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The Fixer String
From the UNDERGROUND Howard Stern Message Board
? Howard - Check out my Novel! -- Jon F. Merz, 11:22:20 01/25/02 Fri
Hiya Howard & fans,
I've got a new novel coming out in May (people can pre-order it now over on Amazon.com) and would love to get Howard to possibly review/plug it on the air. Does anyone know how and who I should contact about this? I'd appreciate any info.
My novel, THE FIXER, is the first book in a new action/thriller/horror series coming out from Pinnacle Books. If you're interested, please check out my WEBSITE
Thanks for all your help!
Jon F. Merz
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Replies:
Brian Walsh (Literary Editor - Howard Stern Show), 18:12:24 01/25/02 Fri
What kind of sex scenes are in the book? We might be able to use it in our daily "BookBeat" segment.Jon F. Merz, 11:58:47 01/26/02 Sat
Sex scenes in THE FIXER
There's one very cool sex scene towards the end of the book, but it's primarily a hard-boiled action/espionage novel with a lot of ass kicking. Think Mickey Spillane meets Bram Stoker and add some Blade Runner and you've got THE FIXER. There will be four books so far in the series and book 2 comes out in October 2002.
Drop me a line if you're interested and please people - order a copy out on Amazon.com, they're only $5.99 each fer crying out loud! I'm trying to break into the bestseller circles that have traditionally been dominated by greedy corporate types - help me out - send word to your friends and family. Ask them to buy a copy. Be a part of making a new bestselling author!
Thanks for your support!
Jon F. Merz
www.zrem.comBrian Walsh, 17:12:20 01/26/02 Sat
Howard does love the action genre, as you know. THE FIXER probably isn’t the kind of book Oprah would endorse. Howard can bring lots of readers your way. I’ll bring it up at the next production meeting. You know about the “Author’s Challenge,” right?
Brian Walsh, 19:14:45 01/26/02 Sat
Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad. Howard found that straight interviews with authors are ratings poison but he likes doing them so he livens up the interview with some added feature. Like when Norman Mailer was in, they played Secret Word. Whenever Mr. Mailer said the secret word, a topless girl stepped over and bronskied him. Kurt Vonnegut did the interview in his underpants. That kind of thing… It’s fun. Whatever number of books you’d expect to sell, add at least one zero.Jon F. Merz, 22:49:14 01/26/02 Sat Thanks Brian
Thanks for all the help! I'd love to be on one of those great game shows you guys have in the studio. Put me on a panel or whatever, I'm down for it. Just to be able to hang out with Howard for a few minutes and plug the books would be truly awesome.
THE FIXER comes out in May so maybe we could set something up for the first week or so then. I know having Howard plug the book would really send my sales through the roof. I'm doing as many "un-author-like" things as possible trying to get the book read by millions.
Drop me an email if you can and we can keep talking.
Thanks again for all your help,
Jon F. Merz
www.zrem.comBrian Walsh, 06:24:53 01/27/02 Sun
No problem, Jon. If you’re looking to do “un-author-like” things, I’m sure our writers can help you out with that. ; ) We’ll keep an eye on May when your book comes out. I’m not in the office now, but I think we have John Grisham the first week. Maybe you can play him a game of Strip Jeopardy for plugs. We can call up Carl Hiaasen to be the third guy. He’s always up for plugs. That guy will do anything. You might have to get naked depending on Howard’s mood that week. Seriously, that’s not a problem, is it?
Brian Walsh, 08:05:14 01/27/02 Sun
When Tom Brokaw was doing his junket for “The Greatest Generation,” he called me every day to get on the show. Howard didn’t want him but said he could come in dressed as a canteen girl. Brokaw didn’t know what a canteen girl was. I don’t think he even read his own stupid book. I could barely understand him the way he was talking but he did agree to do it. Of course, once he was in the studio, he refused. And he got his plugs anyway because, you know, he’s Tom Brokaw. If you say you’ll get naked and don’t, then I’ll be the one with my pants down… off the air, know what I mean?Jon F. Merz, 10:43:05 01/27/02 Sun
"Strip Jeopardy's" fine although I'd prefer some kind of "Spot the Lipstick Lesbian" kinda game, heh heh..
Having some good fun on the show would be fine. I won't let you take the heat. if I say I'll do something, I'll do it. If you do schedule me with Grisham, I hope he doesn't get all the sales, heh heh, that guy's already got a career!
I was thinking it might be kind of cool to do a Project Greenlight sort of thing for Howard's Listeners. Maybe we could do a panel of judges, set up some guidelines (genre, number of words, number of entries etc.) and then have one lucky winner get their book published through Howard's contacts over at Simon & Schuster. Each judge would have a certain number of entries to read and then we'd meet to pick the top three. It could be a running bit over say six months, which would actually coincide with the release of my second book in the series in October. We could give people maybe three months to write their novels, and then we'd start weeding through 'em. Just an idea, but if the book we picked was actually pretty decent, S&S would most likely want to get behind it because of Howard's name and plug ability.
Anyway, I'm down in NYC this Wednesday for a meeting with my editor. I can always drop by the studio if you wanted to chat some more. Just email me your contact information and let me know.
Jon
www.zrem.comBrian Walsh, 13:06:01 01/27/02 Sun
Hey JF, I’ll bet you would rather detect the lesbians! I like the “Project Greenlight for Authors” idea. You can pitch that if you want. And you’re probably right. Mr. Grisham won’t want to share the spotlight with you, either. Call the show Monday morning at (800) 447-8376. Or leave voicemail at (212) 314-9322. I’m on assignment next week. Ask for John Melendez and mention my name. He’ll know who you are. You will get naked, right? The sign on the Green Room door says “Sink Low – Rise High.” If fucking Shakespeare walked in, Howard would at least make him take his top off.Jon F. Merz, 16:57:01 01/27/02 Sun
I'll give John a call tomorrow AM. I think the Project Greenlight thing would be pretty cool. Thanks again for all your help!Brian Walsh, 21:18:59 01/27/02 Sun
My pleasure. I’m rooting for you. It’s up to the big boys, now. You might want to sex up the Greenlight Project. It’s going to be hard to make good TV out of people typing books. Maybe they can write naked. That’s just a thought. I might be a little punch drunk from working on this show. I still have bad dreams about making Julia Child answer questions in her bra and panties.Jon F. Merz, 00:33:46 01/28/02 Mon
Well the other idea I had was going in there with two hot chicks and during the interview, every time Howard said something like "buy THE FIXER by Jon F. Merz" the girls would take turns giving him a striptease and lapdance for like twenty seconds. We co --
Jon F. Merz, 10:14:17 01/28/02 Mon
I called this morning but the kid answering the phone wouldn't put me through to John. --
He gave me a mailing address to send copies of the book to. Is this the way it works or can you get me past the receptionist? Just let me know. Thanks, Jon
Jon F. Merz
www.zrem.comAl Anon, 20:04:14 01/28/02 Mon
Sorry, Jon. I think Brian was pulling your leg. I know the show pretty well and he got stuff wrong. Julia Child dressed in a negligee for the interview, not bra and panties. It was Kurt Vonnegut that got bronskied, not Norman Mailer. Norman Mailer had to strap on false jugs and pretend to breast feed a baby monkey. The number you want is (516) 922-9463.Jon F. Merz, 09:07:12 01/29/02 Tue
Al Anon, your number did nothing but ring. Brian's number was good. I'm hoping to hear back from the show or I'll keep calling until I get on...
Help Me Get On The Howard Stern Show -- Jon F. Merz, 12:55:36 01/29/02 Tue
Jon F. Merz
www.zrem.com[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
Replies:
Brian Walsh, 13:47:46 01/29/02 Tue
Al Anon is a crackpot. If he knew anything, he’d know it was Daniel Shorr who breast fed the baby monkey. I’m in Pakistan now doing advance work for the show’s upcoming mid-east trip. Sorry the phone system is screwed up. Sometimes even I have a hard time getting through to people there and I’m their Literary Editor.Brian Walsh, 13:51:35 01/29/02 Tue
When you call, you should play up the Vampire angle in THE FIXER. Howard loves that. Did you say you’ll get naked? That is a big selling point. There’s a guy who goes under the name of Beetlejuice who did the show with his pants off just this week and he’s Vice-President of Pre-Dawn Programming at CBS. The upper level guys do know of your situation. I can’t expend too much capital on a first time author, if you’ll forgive me for saying so. My own position is less than certain. You just have to be persistent. Use your finger!Jon F. Merz, 23:05:54 01/29/02 Tue
Hey Brian - I actually spoke to someone there today who said they'd pass the message to Gary and he'd call me back.Brian Walsh, 05:29:10 01/30/02 Wed
I’m sure if they say Gary will call you, he will. The guy below was being a wise guy, but if you CAN suck yourself or have some other unusual talent, you should mention it.
Brian Walsh, 17:13:33 01/30/02 Wed
I’m being serious. A guy actually did that on the show once. This week we had on a guy who swallowed five goldfish, vomited them back up, then had his girlfriend staple his nutsack to his leg. Hard to believe as that might sound.He-llo, 14:31:47 01/29/02 Tue
I'm not sure what this fucking book is about, and I don't want to know. All I know is, solicitations on a Howard Stern web site suck.
DTSF, 15:23:10 01/29/02 Tue
Why don't you suck your own dick? This would be a surefire way in, you fucking asshole.
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